"you might think I'm lying, but..."

Uncle would often say, "you might not believe what I'm about to tell you."  And then a strange somewhat fantastical story would come out, right between me and him in the little truck, some recounting of a weird even from his life.

Would you have believed me last year if I had forecasted the shutting down of most of the world economies?  Because of a virus that kills under five percent of its sufferers?  That the world would be on fire, with alternating calls for caution and that the deniers would be the New Tea Party?

Ride with me on the four-wheeler a minute, while I ruminate.  Let me fill your ear up.

A stimulus to be handed out in April 2020?  Too far-fetched?  Couldn't imagine the circumstances?

Well, look outside your window.  The world has taken a turn, mortality heightened, mistrust, with the same old brutal vicious political divisions.  Trump basically banned from Ford plants for not wearing a mask.

The world figuratively on fire.

Extra food stamps added on while food shortages loom, so that the grocery stores empty-out, for sake of a good news story.  Farmers paid to destroy their crops.  "Fake bird-flu" in poultry farms as product demand plummets.

Mitch McConell on the PC playing the old ID game, Doom, the original, and about to die at that, his character left in hell to roam as a spirit.

I was watching the Salad Shooter infomercial, and they were all like, "prepare to be amazed", meanwhile I can feel my balls creeping up in some kind of stupid anticipation, and for that I'm partly hating myself, that I've been made to care about such mundane matters.  Then ER came on, one of the first few seasons, with Nurse Hathaway, me wondering if she was f*cking Doug during that time.

And everybody thought they made a good couple, like they together filled in each other's gaps, but such things are rarely the way it all goes down in real life.  And you Melania has her own bedroom?  Why would you marry a model then put her in her own bedroom unless it was just a trophy wife situation?  Arm candy?

Anyway.  I was calling the number for the Salad Shooter, with credit card in hand, ready to seal the deal on this bad boy.