A pig in a poke: a western ditty.

I approached the water hole gently, kind of hobbling, blood going into the under parts, against where I had rid before for hours and hours.  I looked down at my aching dogs: a toe sticking out like a forgotten orphan from a hole in my boot.

There was one of them big girls in the water hole, naked, and right in the dang water hole, which both man and beast alike drank from all the time.

But my sensibilities did not immediately shriek at the sight, because she was pleasantly round, like a good kind to get in the saddle blanket with.  Ass like a Montana mule.

Her face turned pink when she done seen me.

"Were you ever married to old J.S.B.?" I called-out.  

"No, sir" she said.  "Who is he, anyway?"

"Wail" I says, "he's sort of locally-renowned ass man".

There was a song they sang at the gambling tables:
"Chantilly Lace
and a pretty face,
curly hair,
hangin' down,
make me act so funny,
make me spend my money:
ooh baby, that's what I like!"

"No!" she said, stifling a giggle.  It was cute as hell, I must say, then she spread her arms out and trudged forward through the water, causing a great wave.  I was thinking about her arms and round shoulders like they were great hams that I could garnish with pineapple medallions.

A voice cut through the sky from above, "airline emissions standards", and honestly, that random bit almost shook me from this scene.

"Workers first.  Airline emission standards" came the voice again.

"You hush-up up there!" I yelled, just as the big girl dived, putting her pretty round calves up in the air, and articulating her delicate feet.  I could wonder at the novelty, such a woman of heft having such little delicate feet.  That too, was cute as hell.

And I didn't need to get struck by lightning, or swatted on my ass to get me moving: my jacket was already half-off and I had already got to the edge of the pool of water.  I glanced back, and there was my horse standing there, coal-eyed, as if to say, "aw hell, here he goes again."

From the sky again, "its not time for us to let go of our core values."

"I done said to hush up there!" I yelled, setting down my gun belt, then unbuckling my regular belt.  "Fifty-four percent of the people, or so, disagree with your precious 'core values'".  Jesus, I thought, its like they were choking on fumes up there, if you listen to them tell it.