April is the foolest month.(come in under the shadow of this red rock, and I will show you fear in a handful of fussed.)

I keep rolling around old stuff in my head, even while new things are coming at me, with some close but some just peaking over the horizon line.  And it just ticked April, which is another one of those times when life renews and all that usually stuff.

Had some ends to those thoughts, actually, some like realizations amid the broaching of other mysteries.  Its like the deeper you go, the darker and more obscure things become, but its weird because the words are shorter, the images simpler, but the meanings even more profound.  It's like me reading signs on the road when I was originally learning to read, when I was but a wee lad feeling my way around the big interesting world.

Now I'm an older bloke feeling my way around interesting ideas in a world that is otherwise closed to me.  Follow this: It's always like, they can't hear me or their firing my own material back at me.  As one told me, "you talk to yoseff".  I was like, just listening to that, taking it in, and thinking, if I looked that little creep in the eye and said something, I was definitely not talking to myself.

Kirkendall could act like an idiot as much as he wanted, but he knew when I was talking to him, directly at him.

Later at the end of that run, I was thinking most people were avoiding me because my perspective had been so badly manipulated that there really were risks involved in actually speaking to me, in the sense that some unintentionally destructive gibberish might pop-out of me at any time, or that a misinterpretation might cause any kind of out-of-proportion reaction from me.

Not unlike the PRK leader.

And no I'm not THAT guy hiding online under a cute pen-name.

It's actually a lot more uncertain than spitting in the wind, when you just are not sure how a person is going to react to what you say, that the least thing might be tied to something else, and without good reason, and a simple handshake might warrant a karate kick or something.  That was my concern at the 'Ham.  So it was wise to avoid me because I was going by a subtext that was completely different from anyone around me, like my cypher was totally not anything like what the rest of them were using.

The means and the ends being different, like the important difference between trying to kill the king on the opposite side of the board, or just trying to clear the field, or achieve a proper stalemate.

Lately I'm not like, "what does all mean?" but rather, thinking in a more application based way, in the sense that the given usage is what dictates the context.  And in that respect, things are as random as ever, but not nervously so, but rather happily so.

But then its not been about old stuff all the time, because again, there are new things on the horizon, new, coming and current things.