Self-identifying, and a sample "hair product budget". Or decidedly not.

I remember one with incriminating claw marks up and down her back, but how about incriminating hairs?  And Hanville Shaulbert can make a slip of the tongue and say the most true he ever said, before folding himself back into the agreed-upon narrative.

I self-identify as a millionaire.

They say, "but you have nowhere near a million dollars."

"FOCK DAT!" I say, and do that Jedi hand wave, the mind trick.

I didn't know if you computed worth by a few years income, plus the dollar value of tangible assets, or like 20 years of profits or something: in fact, I knew a guy that discarded the actual property value and computed by ten year's of net income.

Or if you figure in television contracts and all.

"Hair product budget".

You know what they do?  The hook-bill somebody in the appropriate design, like barbed wired around the leg or something, then heat that.

Like third-degree heat.

That's what they do; that's how they do.

And what do I do?  Well, I might buy a Stoic medallion to prove my merits, or something, "self-identifying" as a Philosopher, a lifelong learner, one of "untested merit".